For years have been searching for ways to become less anxious. I found it hard to figure out but now I have developed a method I use to prevent and stop anxiety.

I wrote a personal experience at the end as I like to get to get to the point of ‘how to’ quickly. But I thought an example of how it works for me, might explain my method a bit better.

But it is all personal as it is the way I cope with anxiety. How I recognise it, how I think and feel. You will have to work out what works for you yourself. My trialled and celebrated ‘method’ is an eclectic collection of many different resources I ran into over many years.

Recognise anxiety

If you can recognise your anxiety as anxiety you can take action to get over it as soon as possible, before it gets worse. The following is how I recognise my anxiety ( might be different for you).

Cleaning or tidying a lot

I get feelings of anxiety, restlessness, want to tidy up places, clean. Control what I can control. ( I am not aware of that in that moment) I never used to recognise this as a sign of stress/ anxiety. But now I am aware of it ( after a few days usually) I can take action to reduce the anxiety. A good warning sign in my case is when my partner cannot find his things because I have tidied them up obsessively, and he let me know when he cannot find his stuff.

Thinking a lot

I start thinking more and more, about many different things, but do not finish any thought. My thoughts are hopping from one starting thought to another. This is tiring as I do not get to any conclusion, it I just chaotic.  I find it harder to focus when somebody is talking, and miss the important point in the conversation.

I also will worry about things that are no worry on other days. They are actually nothing to worry about, but I cannot see that then.

How to stop anxiety

There are quite a few actions you can take to prevent anxiety to take over. Try the next things when you feel anxiety creeping up:

• Having routines and follow them. (I will write some examples of routines I have followed in another post.)
• Extra Exercise especially when I start to panic. This makes it easier to feel instead of think. Also the hormones that will come free when exercising make you feel better, (after a while).
• Tell yourself that this horrible feeling is not going to last forever. Which makes it easier to believe you will come out at the other end again. There where you can feel the sun shine.
• Stop thinking, observe your feelings instead
• Try to figure out what you need
• Request or organise what you need ( connection to others/ a project to stay focussed on or something physical e.g. food, relaxation, exercise) Some things you can request e.g. time alone, a hug, somebody listening to you. Other needs you can organise for yourself, e.g. not eating sugar, taking a walk. (This idea – observation, feeling, need, request- I learned from the book Non Violent Communication, by MarshallB. Rosenberg. I find it a very useful technique for when I am upset with somebody, or just feel angry about something. Find the book here)
• Review possible factors that can cause anxiety like hormonal changes (e.g. pre-menstrual, menopause) sugar intake, alcohol consumption, food intake ( being hungry can make me feel very low).

Realise when it comes. Think of what tools I am going to use. Try all of them! That should keep you busy for a while.

How to prevent anxiety

What do I do to stay on track, the happy track? All the things listed in the ‘what to do’ paragraph will help to prevent anxiety ( or worse depression) coming up.

I know that when I meditate regularly I am able to recognise my thinking patterns, in this case unhealthy thinking patterns and can often take action before I talk myself down too much. I use the above toolbox. In my prevention toolbox are my:

• daily routines and
• my goals I set myself each day.

For both my routines and daily goals I keep three areas in mind:

• connecting to others: Who am I going to contact today? How am I supporting my community?
• creating: What project am I going to work on e.g art, writing, cleaning, building etc. What do I want to learn?
• health: mentally/ physical/ food (Lonerwolf .com)

For each area I decide on what I need. And then how I can create the opportunity to fulfil this need. Here are some examples of activities that can fulfil needs in each of the three areas:

• Connecting to others:
• volunteering
• exercise/hobby in a group
• play games in a group
• call somebody

• Creating:
• cooking and baking
• visual arts; e.g. colouring, drawing, gardening, design, crafts
• Writing, journaling
• dancing, making music
• programming
• Repairing, restoring

• Health:
• eating healthy; limit sugar and alcohol intake. Eat regularly as waiting too long can influence my mood hugely, in a negative way.
• regular exercise
• meditation as that helps me to recognise unhealthy thinking, obsessive thinking, and changes in thinking.
• rest, sleep

For me personally it is important that I stick to routines: exercise and meditate nearly every day, eat healthy and regularly, have a daily goal, and make sure I meet other people on most days keeps me happy. I like to change my routines often.

What do you need? Find out and organise yourself as well as you can to try and keep the anxiety away. You can print and fill out this sheet to get a better idea of your needs. This information will help you building good routines and when you feel bad, you can easily check what you are skipping or what is missing.

An example: How I stopped anxiety

How I get trapped by my thinking

I am thinking a lot when I am anxious, or maybe that IS my anxiety, the worrying thinking. Then I genuinely think that I have a problem. That thought up problem makes me then scared, angry or sad. And I believe I have a real problem.

That thinking when I am having high anxiety or feeling unsettled is dangerous as I can make up any story, and believe it and feel horrible because of what ever I made up. At that moment I still believe my story is true, and I have a real problem!

Stop thinking

I have to stop the thinking and get to the feeling. Observe how I feel. Then I know what I need and I can request it, or organise a way to fulfil my needs. (Which I described above)

Feel, need, request

Feel my body

Often I do not know what I feel besides being upset. ‘Lonely’ or alone, empty, sad, tired that kind of thing. Not very specific. But even though I can not pinpoint it clearly, it points me in the direction of what I need, just trying to think of what I feel in my body.

The only thing I allow myself thinking about is what do I feel in my body, and where. That gives me clues about what I need. ( e.g. Empty stomach, maybe I am hangry? Or tired: I need rest. Overwhelmed: I need time for myself)

Talk with my inner child

Another way of finding out what I feel and what I need is imagining myself sitting next to my younger self and talk with her. (Maybe more about this in another post?) It makes it easier to think of what I need and how I would like to be helped. Usually I need a hug, or somebody just listening to me, or somebody letting me know that they love me. Or it makes me admit that I feel scared. I tend to be more honest, and worried about what the other will think of me.

(The website Lonerwolf.com has got a lot of information about the inner child.)

High anxiety

Sometimes a very dark, depressed feeling comes over me. This is where I need some loving attention. I can request that from my partner. I don’t know (yet) how I can get it from elsewhere…But what I can do myself without needing my partner is following the other steps in this post.

Because I cannot love myself when I am feeling high anxiety or depressed. I cannot love anything or anybody at that dark place, but especially not myself. This talking to my little self creates a distance I think that just makes it possible to be compassionate towards ‘her’.

When I am in this depressed state I just survive. I decide to stay alive till it is over. But of course I want this horrible feeling to be over very soon. So this is what I do: Remind myself of that it will go away again this very bad feeling. My thinking caused this bad feeling, I will have to stop thinking about it, because the more I think about it, the longer the bad feeling will take.

I have to focus on what I need, and Request what I need. Requesting is really hard for me! But I did. And it made me feel better. Because I got what I needed most.

 It was just a hug from somebody I love.